"No Charge"

Drinking a Guinness,

Minding my business.

When a naked midget

Asks for my ten digits.

I tell her to go away

I've had a rough day.

She hits me in the nuts,

And calls me a putz.

Before I can react,

I'm dragged out back.

By a giant of a man

With pan-sized hands.

Lifts me by my neck.

Whiskey on his breath.

With fear, I'm frozen.

Bones will be broken.

He looks in my eyes.

I pee myself and cry.

He sets me back down;

I fall to the ground.

I'm about to pass out,

And he begins to shout.

"You fix her computer,

Don't want to screw her.

Will pick up at nine,

Or your ass is mine."

A horn beeps at dawn,

I hop in, and am gone.

I reinstalled her Windows

As they drink Old Crow.

I did it all for no charge

Fear of a man that large.