"A New World"

An idea takes shape.
Sparks the imagination.
Stories begin to flow.
Chapters start forming.
Characters are born.
Plots begin to weave.
Each word is a step
Towards the ending.
Twenty-six letters
Are creating worlds.
Fingers are dancing
Across the keyboard.
A novel takes form
The pages expand.
Discouraged at first,
But we press onward.
The ending reached.
The last word typed.
We sit back and smile.
A new world created.

"Whereabouts"

Whereabouts unknown.
Not sure if I'm going up,
Or spiraling downwards.
Even time is standing still.
All I see is total blackness.
I can't even feel anything.
The only sound is my heart
Beating tells me I'm alive.
I see a flash and free fall.
Towards a tunnel of light.
Wind rushes all around me.
As I wonder if I am dead.
I land into something soft.
Beds made of cotton candy
Next to a caramel stream.
The grass is green lollipops.
The acid trips fades away.
I find myself in a linen closet
Sitting on dirty cotton towels.
Licking on a sheet naked.
Whereabouts are known.
Wishing I was still tripping.
Coming down does suck
While you are in a prison.

"Silent Screams"

Walking in the rain,
All alone and cold.
Passing blank faces.
Cast from the mold.
Words aren't spoken.
Lost in their screens.
On their deaf ears fall
All my silent screams.
Technological senses
Replacing all contact.
The only voices heard
Are media broadcasts.
Easier to ignore a man
Living on these streets.
Make them feel better
As I beg at their feet.
I may not have a lot;
I still have my pride.
Put my life on the line.
A soldier ready to die.
Finally made it home.
Treated as an outcast.
I traveled for freedom
Down to Hell and back.

"Innocence"

Reclaim the innocence;
Return to your youth.
Life is not this serious.
Let stress go to be free.
The removal of a suit.
Shedding of snake skin.
Paychecks are reminders
About our wasted hours.
Tired of working to live.
Always long to run free.
Escape the daily worries
Run though the tall grass.
Return to the innocence.
Remember the lost child.
Laugh to forget a bad day,
And let your soul smile.
Replace desk with a lake.
Give up tablets for bikes.
Let your inner child loose.
And enjoy the innocence.

"The Cape"

    I find myself sitting up in the hospital bed staring out the window at the rising sun. As I look at my bandaged wrists, I feel ashamed that this didn't come to an end last night. I don't know how I got here, but whoever brought me to the hospital, I can't wait to tell them how much I hate them for saving me. Their act of bravery ruined my happiness. They only gave me a second chance to end my misery.
    I lie back down on my bed, and rub my hands across the bandages. Even though I survived this attempt, my mind begins to think of ways to make the next one successful. I didn't want to be saved. I want to make sure the next time I do this; there will be no chance for heroics. After this past year, I have nothing to live for anymore. In my heart, I wish I tried this much sooner instead of enduring the pain I've been through this past year.
    "You were always a wimp," I hear a voice I swear I would never hear again.
    "No fucking way!" I exclaim as I scan my room. There is no chance I'm hearing his voice right now. I watched him die a year ago, yet his voice is clear as day. I quickly dismiss it as a side effect of whatever drugs the nurses gave me when I was admitted into this hellhole. I want out of here so I can end this ongoing torture known as my shitty life.
    "I swore I raised a man, not a pussy," I hear the voice say. "Grow a fucking pair, and face life instead of taking the easy way out."
    "I must be stoned on painkillers or some shit," I sigh.
    "Look in the mirror, dumb ass," the voice mocks me.
    I turn towards the mirror, and fall to the floor in shock. I lay there on the cold tile floor while sobbing, "I can't be seeing him...he's dead..."
    I feel two hands around my neck as I'm quickly yanked off the floor. I find myself staring into my father's steel blue eyes as he holds me up by my neck. I can feel the warmth of his blood as his calloused hands scratch against my skin. He's wearing his red plaid shirt and jeans, the same outfit he took his own life in. The only difference is his hair is no longer gray, but
black.
    "Right now, I'm alive enough to kick your ass," he says as he slams me onto the bed, and knocks the wind out of me. I lay there gasping for air as my dead father holds me down to the point it feels like an elephant is sitting on my chest.
    "I...can't...breathe," I mutter between each gasp.
    "What's the matter? You don't want to die by my hands, but want to be a little bitch and kill yourself like I did, son?" he shouts as he punches his right hand through the hospital bed while his left hand presses down on my throat.
    "Hello...kettle..." I gasp as I begin to see dots floating in front of my eyes. "I'm...pot...father..."
    He gets off of me and sits down in the chair next to the bed. I lay on the bed breathing heavily for my deceased father almost ended my life in this hospital room. He lets out of a
sigh as I see tears in his eyes.
    "There's a difference between you and I," he states as I sit up in the bed. "I had nothing left to live for, but you still do."
    "What about me? I'm not a reason to keep on living?" I snap back as I slam my fist onto the bed.
    "I was already dead that night you found me," he replies while wiping away his tears. "You, however, still have a life ahead of you."
    "Bullshit, Dad. You weren't drying!" I shout.
    "You really don't remember?" he asks with a stern tone. "Did your brain commit suicide as well?"
    "Did you crawl out of whatever Hell you live to be a massive prick to me today, or is there a fucking point?" I retort in an angry tone to him while flicking him off. I don't know if this is real or a bad trip. Either way, I don't need my dead father giving me a bunch of shit after the night that I wish I never woke up from.
    "The point of my visit is a reminder," states Dad. "A reminder that if you do end your life, two lives will end."
    "Yeah, let me take advice from someone who decided to increase their lead intake with a bullet to the head," I retort.
    "You really did forget the events of that night?"
    "I came home to find my dead father holding a pistol with blood rushing out of his ear. What did I forget?"
    "It wasn't a bullet that killed me, son."
    "Was it the recoil?"
    "Shut up the fuck up! Use your brain for once, Tony!" he yells. "Look back and recall my last year alive before you say another damn word while thinking about Sarah."
    I close my eyes, and let out a sigh. Once he was put into the ground, I did my best to bury those memories deep within my subconscious. However, last night, they began to trickle free from the mental damn I created. Now, I have to unleashed the tidal wave of emotions I've been holding back to make it through life.
    I begin to think about the night I lost him. I came home from the bar drunk around midnight or so. I went out because Dad and I spent all day in the doctor's office, and I wanted to numb my mind to relieve the stress. I recall stumbling into the living room, and seeing him sleeping in the chair. I saw his 1911 on his lap and the trail of dried blood that started in his ear.
    I begin to cry when I begin remembering that the gun wasn't loaded, and the cleaning kit was on the end table. I was so intoxicated that my mind made a rush decision, and I called it in to 911 as a suicide. I never saw anything through the tears streaming out of my eyes besides the blood on my dad's face and his Colt in his lap. I went numb when I hung up the phone, and never took a deeper look.
    Once the paramedics removed the body and the cops left, I began packing up the essential things my daughter and I needed. I wasn't staying in the house a second longer then I had too. We were vacating that night so I can leave behind the painful memories. From that moment on, I became so numb that I never realized that I've been rushing to conclusions without looking at all the evidence in front of me.
    I also never thought that a year later, I was trying to escape my own failure as a father by doing what I thought went on that tragic day. My father died on his own accord, but here I am trying to end my life without thinking about my own daughter. She's the main thing I have to live for in this life, and without here, she'll become a foster child lost in the system. My dad never abandoned me, and I'll be damn if I'm going to do the same.
    As I look at my old man, I finally realize it wasn't the gun that killed him that night. He passed way from the inoperable brain tumor he lived with the last two years of his life. The man suffered through his living hell, but not once did he try to take the cowardly way out like I did last night. He stayed alive to be there for Sarah and me as long as he could. He's the man I will never be no matter how hard I try.
     "I'm sorry, Dad," I sob. "I'm a failure."
    "No, son, you're not yet. We all fall down, but what makes one not a failure is getting back up, and facing the obstacles in front of you."
    "I never stop to think what will happen with Sarah if I was gone," I say as I wipe the tears away from my eyes. "I'm the only stable person in her life."
    "Well, next time you get this low, think about her," he replies smiling.
    "I will, Dad."
    "Well, my time has expired here, and you need to wake up," he says while standing up.
    "Wake up?" I ask with a confused look across my face.
    As he opens his mouth, the room is filled with a high-pitched, shrieking noise. As the sound increases in volume, the lights begin to rise in brightness to the point I have to close my eyes to shield them from the blinding light. As I close my eyes, I fell myself slowly drift into sleep.
    "Goodbye for now, son," I hear my father say as everything fades to black.
    I jump up so fast I fall back in the wood chair I'm sitting in, landing on the floor with a loud thud as the chair breaks underneath my weight. I let out a groan as my back begins to throb. I drag myself off the floor, and see I'm in my kitchen. I look at my wrist, and see no bandages or any signs of scarring or fresh wounds.
    I let out a sigh for it was all a dream till I see a piece of notebook paper on the table next to an Exacto knife. I pick up the paper, and begin to read it. As I realize what I wrote, I feel the tears stream down my cheeks despite my heart burning in rage.  I'm a tempest of emotions as I read what would have been my last words I written in the world, and not one mentioned anything about my daughter.
    I tear the note up, and shove the pieces into my mouth as the tears keep flowing. I gulp the paper down, a symbolic gesture of me swallowing my pride to take on life and be brave for her. I can't believe I became so selfish that I put my needs before Sarah's. As Dad said, I would have ended two lives tonight, and I can't let that happen.
    I pick up the knife, and carefully wrap it up into some newspaper to cover the blade. I toss it into the trash, and walk out of the kitchen. I quickly head upstairs to Sarah's room. I quietly open the door, and peek my head in. She's still asleep in her bed snuggling onto her stuffed bunny. I close door, and head into my room. I pass out the instant my head hits the pillow.
    "Dad! Wake up!" I hear Sarah shout.
    "Five more minutes," I mumble.
    "Now!" she shrieks.
    "All right," I say as I pull the covers off my head. Out of the corner of my eyes I see my Dad standing over my bed with a big smile on his face.
    "Today is your second chance at life, Tony. Use it wisely," he says before vanishing into thin air.
    "I will," I say as I wipe a tear from eye. My Dad appeared in a dream to save my own life. After all this time, that man will do anything to help me succeed despite me thinking he was a coward for the past year. A vision about my failed attempt at ending life has opened my eyes to how much living I have in front of me.
    "Daddy!" shouts Sarah as she leaps onto my bed. She rushes towards the head of the bed and kisses my cheek. "Wake up!"
    "I'm up, silly. Why are you so excited?" I ask before letting out a yawn.
    "It's Saturday, and you promised to take to me to the park," she whines. "Now, get up!"
    I reach my hand over and tickle her side. She shrieks in delight as I keep tickling her for another good minute before I stop. As she catches her breath, I tell her, "Go get ready so we can go."
    "Okay," she says before jumping off the bed, and rushes out of the room.
    I pull myself out of my bed, and stumble into the bathroom. I quickly get myself ready to take the love of my life to the park like I promised her. I take a glance in the mirror and stare at my wrists. I'm almost tempted to get Sarah's name and birthday tattooed on my wrists as a reminder that no matter how bleak it seems, there's always something to live and fight for.
    I step out of the bathroom, and see her sitting on the bed. I almost laugh for she's a pink dress wearing her red cape. She put her blond hair into a bun with her monkey scrunchie. I'm glad she at least put her sneakers on instead of her swimming fins she loves wearing around the house.
    She scrunches her nose at me and says, "You're not dressed, Daddy."
    I look down and ask, "Why not? My shoes are on, and I'm wearing pants."
    She pulls out a large, red piece of fabric and replies, "You're missing your cape."
    I take the fabric, and see it's a cape, complete with straps to tie it around my neck. On the back, in bold, yellow lettering it reads "Super Dad". It takes every inch of willpower not to cry right now as I put on my cape.
    "Now, you're a superhero you've always been, Dad," she says smiling.
    "After the park, we're so getting ice cream," I reply.
    "With sprinkles?"
    "With whatever you want, Sarah."
    She jumps for joy and tackles my leg trying to hug me. At this point, I break down and cry as I give her a big hug. I give her a kiss on her forehead and whisper, "I will always be your super hero, Sarah. I promise."
    She wipes my tears away with her cape while saying, "Super heroes don't cry, Daddy."
    I stand up and say, "No, they take their daughter..." I
pause for a moment and shout, "To the park!"
    Even though she will never know how close she came to losing me last night. As I follow her as we run out the apartment in our capes, all I can think about is how I don't deserver to wear this cape right now. However the sparkle in her eyes tells me I'll never be a disappointment to her. As long as I keep fighting each day for her, I'll always be the superhero in her eyes worthy of this cape.

"Novel Back Up Ideas"

        After reading about people losing files over the past few days, I decided to write a blog post about backup devices, and my strategy to keep my novel files safe from total system failures. Most of the devices I'll list the average person already has, but there's a few things I do that most people don't even think about.
        Before I begin explaining the technological side of things, there's something I want to really stress: If the file is irreplaceable, have three active back ups at all times. Redundancy is the key to a successful back up plan. I believe you can't have enough back ups if the file can't be restored. I have 6 backups of all my writing files at all times, and at least three are always up to date.
        Now, for some quick terminology in very layman terms (I do ask that you don't be offended if you know this. I write these tech posts to where even a new PC user can understand them):

GB = gigabyte . 1GB is 1,000MB (MB = megabyte) or roughly 700 floppy discs or 1.5 CD's
TB = terabyte. 1TB is 1,000GB or roughly 250 DVD's
USB 2 = Rated at 480Mbit/s or Megabits a second
USB 3 = Rated at 4Gbits/s or Gigabits a second. Both are backwards-compatible aka USB 2 works in a USB 3 port and vice versa.
    Far as the technology goes, the main backup device people have laying
around is the thumb drive. This is an example of a thumb drive:


        The major pros of them are they are very portable, cheap, and don't require any software to use. You just plug them in, save the files to the drive, and remove it. They are the device that finally killed off floppy drives because of their ease of use and bigger storage capacities. They are now available up to 1TB, but the most common sizes in major stores range from 8GB up to 128GB.
        The biggest con with thumb drives is how easy they are to lose. If you do use a thumb drive for a back up, my advice is to keep it in a secure location, and buy another one for traveling. Also, they can get corrupted and / or broken very easily. What I mean by corrupted is you plug it in, the system doesn't see anything on it. Again, they're great for daily or weekly, but not as the only backup.
        The second most popular back up hardware is external hard drive. An external hard drive is what it sounds like: a hard drive in an enclosure. There are two options: 2.5" laptop drive or 3.5" desktop drive. They both have their advantages and disadvantages.
         They both do have one main advantage over thumb drives: bigger storage capacity. A 1TB drive is about the default size to external hard drives. The biggest drawback is there are moving parts inside, so they can get damaged if moved or dropped, especially when plugged in. They are more designed to be left somewhere and never moved. I use my external mostly as a monthly backup to save all my files on my PC: novel files, music, etc.

Far as what they look like, here's an example of a 2.5" drive:



Here's a 3.5" drive:



        The biggest advantage of the 2.5" drive versus the 3.5" is they don't require a power adapter. At most, they will use two USB ports to power the drive. This makes them very portable along with their small size. They average the size of a paperback book. The biggest disadvantage is they are smaller in size versus 3.5" drives, and the lack of connectivity options. The biggest 2.5" drive you can find on the market is 2TB, while 3.5" drives are at 6TB. Also, it's hard to find a 2.5" drive that uses more than USB ports to connect on store shelves.
        Another term you might here for as external hard drives go is NAS or network attached storage. A NAS means it's an external drive or drives that plugged into your modem or router through Ethernet or wifi.  The one I would suggest for typical home use are the external hard drives with an Ethernet port or built-in wifi. The advantage of a NAS is you can access it over your home network, and some offer services for access away from the house.
        Now, when it comes to buying thumb drives and external hard drives, this the rule I follow: I set a max budget, and get the most GB/TB I can get. For thumb drives, I set a budget of $10, which can easily get a 16GB these days. I never go higher than $20, which is easily a 32GB. For external hard drives, I go up to $100 max, which can easily get a 2TB drive, at most $200 if I need it to be a NAS. Far as brands go, I trust Sandisk and Lexar the most in thumb drives, and in hard drives, Western Digital then Seagate. Far as USB2 versus USB3, if you're system has USB3 ports, get USB3, especially for external hard drives.
        Now, the reason for setting a max budget is this: Why get a 500GB drive for $70 when there's a $60 1TB drive is on sale?  I never get my mind set on a certain size before I go buy one because of this reason. If I had to set any rule far as what size, my only suggestion is to get an external hard drive that matches or is double the size of your hard drive if it's within budget.  Far as thumb drives, I rather have multiple smaller drives versus one big one.
        Now, for some of the other ways I do back up outside of thumb drives and my external hard drive:

- SD Cards

        With the cameras on smart phones getting better, digital cameras are slowly being phased out of most households. When I got rid of my digital camera, I ended up with a few 4GB's cards lying around, so I converted one into a daily and weekly backup solution. It's small enough to fit into a wallet, and almost every new system has a card reader built in. The only downside is they are like thumb drives: easily breakable.

- Smartphones

        My current phone has 4GB's of storage space, and it can work like an external drive on my PC. So, installing a ton of apps, I use it as a way to keep my novel files safe. I would lose a thumb drive way before I ever lost my phone. When I do back up to my phone, I do another back up on another device to be safe though. There's always the chance my phone can get destroyed, lost, or stolen.

-CD-RW / DVD+RW

        The old archaic way of storing files still works. This one is hard to suggest since a lot of newer systems don't even come with the drives anymore, and the discs aren't cheap anymore. However, if you do have a drive and the discs lying around, it's another way to protect your work. The biggest drawback is if the disc is scratched, the data is gone. If you do use this type of backup, keep it in a safe place.  I prefer the RW discs because they can be reused versus a typical R discs.
    The other hassle with RW discs is they can be a pain to modify data constantly like you can with a thumb drive. Yes, there are ways to save a new file to an RW disc, but I use them to save my files at a certain point, and erase the disc when I want to make another backup later on.  I mostly burn to a RW disc when I reach a huge milestone, such as finishing the entire novel in whatever stage I'm at: rough drift, first edit, etc. In other words, not part of my usual back up schedule.

- Printer

        Again, I only do this at huge milestones as I list above. I never thought of printing out my work as a back up at first, but an editing technique. I find it way easier to edit on paper versus a screen because I find more things to fix this way. However, when you got the entire novel on paper, you can suffer a total system break down, and still have your work safe.  Granted, you will have to retype it if all your technology goes haywire, but I rather have to retype my novel then try to remember the entire thing.

- Email  / Cloud Storage

        They both serve the same purpose when protecting data. You upload the files to the internet, and they are stored on a server that's not in your home. I started this process during the 2004-2005 hurricane season. Living in Florida, I was affected by four hurricanes during those years, and wanted to get my files away from my house. So, I started emailing myself my files in a password protected zip file to a few email accounts. I even started using Google Drive to store them as well.
        This process makes a great daily back up, but I mostly do it when I finish a small milestone, such as finishing a chapter. I would never rely on this method fully because of the biggest drawback: You need working internet to get your files. However, if you really, really need to save a file to protect it from a system crash or whatever, email it right away. It will be a lot quicker than trying to find a storage device.

"Above The Rest"

Rise above the rest.
Prove you're the best.
It's a fight to the top
That will never stop.
Find your own path.
Onwards, not back.
Life is in your hands,
Not of any other man.
Control your destiny.
Overcome all jealousy.
Obstacles will arise.
Over them, you'll fly.
Rise above the rest.
Prove you're the best.
Stand up and shout;
Topple all the doubt.
You are in control.
Fight to reach goals.
Go out with a roar;
Knock in all doors.
Rise above the rest.
Prove you're the best.
Today is your time.
Let your light shine.

"Reflections of A Stranger"

A glance in the mirror
Reflections of a stranger.
Who am I these days?
Even my eyes deceive.
Gone is that sparkle.
The glimmer of a child.
Replaced by wrinkles
From the stress and age.
Even my own imagination
Beginning to fade away.
Snuffed out by worries;
The cold wind of doubt.
I want to feel alive again;
To be carefree and loose.
To melt away adulthood;
Rekindle my inner child.
A good look in the mirror.
The sparkle has returned.
Creativity begins to flow.
The child is being reborn.

"Be Free"

Fires burn the cities to the west.
Armies march towards conquest.
A kingdom on the verge of war.
Death is outside the king's door.
The king summons for his knights
To begin their attack at twilight.
He rises to offer to his assistance,
But he is told to keep his distance.
"You are the pride of this kingdom.
I refuse to lose you in war, my son."
He lets out a long snort of frustration,
"I can help protect this great nation.
Let me lead them towards victory.
I refuse to let them die for liberty."
He leaves his ailing father's side,
And swallows down his pride.
He grabs his sword and his shield.
His determination will not yield.
He will protect the royal borders
Despite his  father's last orders.
A leader never hides behind walls,
But answers the lone bugler's calls.
He rather die making his last stand
Against the invaders of their land.
He joins the knights on the front line.
Their soldiers amongst the pines.
Our archers let flame arrows fly
Lighting up the entire night sky.
With their swords, they charge
Directly into our fiery barrage.
They fight like they are demons,
But we hold back the heathens.
Alas, he was injured in the battle,
And escorted back to the castle.
Placed in front of the royal alter
In a bed next to his dying father.
Their kingdom has been spared,
But we are losing our king and heir.
The crown broken beyond repair.
Our kingdom now faces despair.
Was it noble valor or foolish pride
That has let the monarchy die?
The prince charged into the fire.
To have the royal bloodline retire.
The land announces the new king
As I hear the church bells ring.
The royal family let us be free
As we begin our life of slavery.

"Insomnia"

I hate having insomnia.

My only relief was coffee.

Working till this evening.

As I wish I was sleeping.

Drinking Mountain Dew

Wish this day were through.

My bed keeps calling me,

But forced to face reality.

My tired eyes are rebelling.

While brain keeps yelling.

Tonight, whiskey to sleep.

I've run out of damn sheep.

Time is slowly dragging on,

And all my caffeine is gone.

Ready to end this damn day,

And sleep exhaustion away.

Counting down the minutes.

Pushing myself to the limit.

Tonight better be good to me.

Sleep better not be a fantasy.

"A Hard Lesson"

Hiding in the dark.

Chilled to the bone.

See the beast's mark

On the wall of stone.

The echo of claws

Followed by howls.

Nature is the law.

Monsters on prowl.

Green glowing eyes.

The smell of blood.

Full moon in the sky.

Paw prints in mud.

They begin to attack,

But quickly withdraw.

Steel wings on my back.

Their leader in my claws.

The pack scurries away

As I reveal my true form.

They learned on this day

Never attack dragon-born.

"My Soul"

She held my heart,

But never my soul.

As we drifted apart,

Her heart grew cold.

We were best friends.

She turned against me.

I didn't want it to end;

Life filled with misery.

She crushed my love,

But never lost the will.

I will keep rising above.

Life cannot stand still.

Been a long, cold year.

The scars are healing,

But can't stop the tears.

My heart is still reeling.

It took a total stranger

To show me love is real;

And my views will change.

One day, I begin to feel.

She now holds my heart,

As well as my very soul.

Love from the very start

As we plan to grow old.

Inseparable and united.

Her love keeps me warm,

Passion's flames reignited,

A perfect union is formed.