"A Strange Day"

Today is a very strange day.

The drunken bears are afraid,

The midgets feel like poopoo;

No flying crabs in pink tutus.

So, pass me whatever booze.

I have no liver or sanity to lose.

I'm ready to escape this scene,

And rage against the machine.

I want to run around in panties

While singing Klingon shanties.

I want to ride the pink unicorn

That has a bong for their horn.

I'm trying to shake the paranoia

While I talk with a giant sequoia.

His tea made everything clearer

As I see a monkey in the mirror.

The tree decides I need to leave

As the mushrooms begin to grieve.

I end up riding the toy gravy boat

Over a wide Guinness-filled moat.

Filled with fish made out of bacon,

Frogs talking like they're Jamaican,

And whales that are singing Primus

While sharks ride a plaid short bus.

I end up landing in a room of clouds

Filled with gorillas in maroon shrouds.

They hand me a magical trench coat.

Made from the hide of a drunken goat.

The elephant doctor hands me candy,

And tells me everything will be dandy.

They put me in front of a huge television.

While mice with abacus do long division.

I end up fall asleep on a bed of kittens

While watching a documentary on mittens.

I wake up the next morning on a train.

Heading to Insanityland in pouring rain.

They are making me their newest king.

As they feed me beer and buffalo wings.

I'm off to enjoy my new life as royalty

As I say adios to this sad, boring reality.