Another quiet night, another evening
lost in my head. I sit on my couch trying to forget the day, but my brain won't
turn off. The things I'm discovering in my mind scare me. I try to numb my
thoughts with tequila, but it makes the thoughts even scarier. I finally spark
up my bong, and try to stone myself into a coma. After the 5th bowl, and almost
a fifth of tequila, I give up. Short of a bullet to the head, nothing is going
to stop my mind from racing. The ideas are getting weirder and weirder with
each passing minute.
I turn on the TV, and see a pink
bear in a tutu on the screen. He is doing ballet to Slayer. As he dances, the
camera focuses on the band. The band is plaid Orcas in tuxes, save the singer
who is a purple monkey in a green tutu. I find myself hand banging as the
guitarist starts shredding while the lead singer starts wailing. The pink bear
even starts moshing with the crowd.
"Dude, pass the bong,"
says a voice next to me.
I turn around, and see a purple gorilla
on my couch in a white kimono. I hand him the bong, and he kills off the bowl
in one hit. He starts coughing while pulling out a small bag of weed. He packs
a new bowl, and hands it to me smiling. I take out my lighter, and light it. I take
a hit, and within a few minutes, I'm out cold.
I wake up the next morning, and
find myself in a bed. I try to move, but I'm still so stoned that my entire
body is numbed from the neck down. I turn my head, and see the purple gorilla
snoring away next to me.
"What was that weed,
man?" I yell out. "It still has me numbed, dude."
"It's called Fookitall. It
knocks you out for a good 12 hours," replies the gorilla.
"Okay, that doesn't explain
why you're still here."
"Easy. You're still dreaming,
dumbass."
I close my eyes and go back to sleep.
Some time later, I hear a buzzing noise go off. I open my eyes and see I'm in a
padded room. I stand up, and see I'm in a straight jacket. I let out a sigh of
relief for everything was just a dream. I walk over to the door, and press the call
button with my nose. I wait patiently for the orderly to come. The little
window opens in the padding, and I see the purple gorilla standing there
smirking.
"COME ON MAN!" I yell. "How many dreams do I
have to wake up from?"
The window closes, and reopens.
This time, I see the normal orderly standing there. He is shaking his head as
he messes with his radio. A few minutes later, another orderly and the doctor
arrive. Behind him is the purple gorilla.
"GET THAT GORILLA AWAY FROM
ME!" I yell out.
The orderlies open the door, and
grab me. Before I can react, the doctor injects me with a needle. As the world
starts fading to black, I hear the gorilla say, "Until you stop imaging me
as being real, I will never go away. Besides, not my fault you're insane!"
I feel water on my face some time
later. When I wake up, I find myself in a large cage. A keeper is spraying the
hose on me.
"Wake up, George," they
say. "It's time to start the day."
I let out a grunt, and head out
into the pen. I smile for I'm still a gorilla despite all my weird dreams. I
know one thing from this old experience, and that is never eat a brownie from
an old hippie. It makes you dream you're a crazy human getting stoned with a
purple gorilla.
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