I find myself sitting at the dining
room table in a dark, deserted house. I sit where in the light coming in from
the streetlight coming into the dining room. I rub the label of an empty
whiskey bottle, a reminder of everything I once had and lost due to my old way
of life. I chose alcohol over the greatest drug: true love. There was truly evil
spirits in every bottle, and that demon was the person I became when drunk.
I tried a few times to try to get
back with her, but she is done with me. She moved on once the divorce papers
were signed. The last time I contacted her, she told to never contact her
again. If she was worth it, I would have stopped drinking when she asked, not
after she left. She told me she found someone else who doesn't need to be drunk
to love her, and she doesn't need me back in her life, sober or not.
Out of frustration, I toss the
bottle into the wall, and watch it shatter, the shards twinkle like fallen
stars on the tile floor. The last remnant of my old life is gone forever, but
the memories sealed within these walls remain. I may have conquered the evilness
inside of me, but there are glimpses of the angel that once lived inside these
walls. An angel that I pushed away, and made her life a living hell. I became her
malignant spirit that made her leave this place, and spread her wings.
I push away from the table, and grab
my keys off the kitchen counter. I need to get some fresh air before I go back
against what I've worked so hard to avoid. I wonder if he's awake at this time
of the night as I pull out of the driveway. I need his guidance more then ever.
Even though he's only my AA sponsor, he's become my savior. If it wasn't for
him, I would have ended my life the day she left me.
I pull into his driveway, and see
he's sitting on his porch in his green bathrobe smoking a cigarette.
As I get out of my car, he asks, "Still can't get her off
your mind, eh?"
I nod my head as I sigh, "If those walls could talk." I
step onto the porch and state, "I did finally break that old bottle
though."
"Over a year, and you finally
get rid it?" he asks with a look of worry in his green eyes as he runs his
fingers through his gray hair.
I sit down and explain, "I was
keeping it as a memento, but tonight, it made me crave a drink even more."
"I still think you should sell
the house, and move on. It's been at least a year," the man states.
"I know, but.."
"If you hold onto to that
house, then you'll never move on," the man interrupts. "She left, and
there's no way to get her back. Living with those memories will only drag you
down."
I nod my head and stand up.
"You're right. Besides, it's too big of a place for only one person."
"To be honest, I'm surprised
she didn't get it during the divorce."
"She didn't want it, and I now
see why," I sigh. "Thanks for the chat. Have a good night."
"You too."
I step off the porch, and head back
to the car. I drive away more depressed then before. All I can think about is
driving to the nearest bar, and getting drunk. If she's gone for good, then I
can't think of a good reason to stay sober. I went sober in a foolish hope she
would come back to me, but she's gone for good. As I see the sign for my old
bar, I decide that I'm going to drink away the pain tonight.
As I pull into the parking lot, I
rip off my AA chip, and toss it into my glove box. I get out of the car, and
head towards the door without second thoughts. I'm done with her and sobriety.
Tonight, I go back to numbing myself with whiskey. If I can't live happily, I
might as well block out the pain the only way I know how.
As I get outside the front door, I
stop when I see a man puking out his guts all over the sidewalk. As I smell the bile infused with beer, I gag
and step back. The odor alone makes me realize the mistake I'm about to do. I
refuse to let the demon out of the bottle again.I head back to my car, and pull
out of the bar.
The drive home is long and
uneventful. There isn't another soul on the road, save a few cop cars parked
outside a donut shop. Within a few miles of home on a country road, I finally
see another car heading towards me. I think nothing of it as I keep driving
towards my destination.
As the other vehicle gets within a
few hundred yards, I realize they are speeding, and keep swerving. I focus on
the car as I prepare to take action. As the lights get brighter, I start
honking as it keeps swerving into my lane. The driver accelerates, and drifts
into my lane. I hold down my horn as I slowly begin driving onto the shoulder
to avoid a collision.
I begin to think that the other
driver is drunk, and I'm about to be killed by them. All my years of drinking,
I thought I would cause an accident, but I never did. Now, completely sober,
I'm going to be seriously injured or killed due to alcohol if this driver
doesn't stop. I keep slowly down, and they keep stepping on the gas, their car
inching closer and closer towards me
Suddenly, the driver tries to
overcorrect to get back into their lane. The car turns right into my direction
of travel, the engine revving as I slam on my brakes. Through their windshield,
I see my ex-wife watch in horror as she slams head-on into my car, a bottle of
whiskey pinned to the steering wheel in her left hand. The last thing I hear is
the sound of screeching metal, and breaking glass as the world goes black.
