The Madam Of Suburbia Chapter 26

Chapter 26 – The Letter

My life at one point was nothing more than a drug-fueled orgy of chaos and anarchy encircled by the fires of Hell. However, in the past week, it's now a clusterfuck of emotions fueled by the fires of confusion burning in every fiber of my fucking soul. A single kiss has twisted my heart more than a spool of wire caught inside a tornado. The part that has me the most fucked up is I haven't heard or seen anything from Amber since that one kiss that ignited this maddening bewilderment that has kept me up every single night looking out the window waiting for her return while wondering if it was a mistake, or our hearts long to reignite the fiery passion we once had. A single fucking text would end this insanity, but the silence keeps my fucking mind up trying to make sense of it all as I'm still trying to figured out what else has happened to my life since that single gunshot that silenced Richard forever.

I light up another cigarette as I keep tearing my mind apart as I keep longing to hear from Amber again. Even though I'm still in casts, my body is not the most broken thing inside my body. My soul has been torn apart, and casted into the winds of loneliness with each passing second. Once again, I find myself feeling truly alone in a swamp, and it's taking all my willpower not to become the heartless monster once more. However, with each passing second, I feel the walls going back up. It's like my soul rather snuff the spark of hope instead of being torn apart by the pain weighing down my heart. A single word can turn down those walls, but I don't fucking know when I'll hear from her.

My heart skips a beat as I see a car driving up to the house. I try to stay calm as I see the typical black sedan stop in the driveway, the same type of car that Amber drove away in last week. As a man steps out, I feel my soul sink back into despair. He looks at me, and I chuckle as he keeps rubbing on the sleeves of the standard government black suit. He runs his hand across his bald head, and grabs a duffel bag out of the car. I get a feeling he wants to be here as much as I do, but he will follow orders. He scratches his red goatee as he walks onto the porch, bag slung over his shoulder.

"You got one you can spare?" he asks as he sits down next to me, dropping the bag next to his chair.

"Sure," I say as I pass him a smoke and my lighter. I can't help notice the bags under his brown eyes like he drove here through the night.

"Fucking hate the no smoking policy for vehicles," he replies as he lights it up, and takes a long drag.

"I take it you also hate the dress code," I reply as I notice the scare below his left eye that runs down to his neck.

"Part of the job," he chuckles.

"So, which pencil pusher did you tick off to end up here?" I ask as I light up another one.

"Director Townston."

I fall silent at the mention of Amber. I'm glad she's still alive, but I wish it was her next to me, not this new guy. However, at least this agent doesn't give me a vibe that I want to kill him like Richard did. He seems to be more laid back based on his comment on the smoking policy inside cars, but I will find out as time goes on. Also, I don't know his exact orders either. He could be here to help, or feed me to the gators. Right now, he just wants to chill after his long drive, which is fine by me.

"So, you got a name?" he asks.

"Ronnie. You?"

"Damian," he replies. “Anyway, I'll be back in a few. I'm getting out of this fucking monkey costume."

"I'm going to go run a mile as you change," I say.

"The only thing you're going to run today it seems is your smartass mouth," he retorts. "I'll be back."

I sit there as he walks inside trying to stay out of my head considering all it's doing is dragging me down deeper into depression. The bright side of today is at least someone is willing to talk to me. The other agents seem to avoid me like I have the fucking plague. They get me out of bed, wheel me out here, and only bring me food or drink when I ask. After that, nothing but cold shoulders when I try to have a conversation with them. They make Richard seem so charming right now because even though he truly was a prick, he at least talked to me.

A few minutes later, Damian returns wearing a black wife beater and sweats. I can't help but notice how scarred his arms are. I even notice the heroin trails on his elbow as he lights up a cigarette. He looks like he's been more shit than me as I even notice the scars of being shot with buckshot on the back of his left shoulder. As I keep glancing at his scars, I begin to wonder how much shittier his life is compared to mine. However, surviving that much bullshit only leads to an uneasiness discussing one's past. I know every time I recall my childhood I end up drinking to erase any thoughts. The fact we're still breathing after all that only leads to focusing on what's ahead, and keeping those skeletons fucking buried.

He notices me staring and simply replies, "Yeah, my personal file is just as FUBAR as yours, but will discuss that tomorrow. We got a lot of catching up to do."

"How bad has shit gotten?"

"There's a box in your room. Try to go through it before tomorrow. I'm going to go lay down. Again, we'll begin tomorrow."

"Can you take me back so I can start?" I ask.

"Sure."

He takes me back to the room, and I see a file folder box sitting on the desk by the window. He sets me up at the desk, and leaves. I open the file, and see an envelope address to me. I open it, and find a letter from Amber. My hands shake as I read it:

My dearest Ronnie,

I'm sorry for my sudden departure, but I can't afford to rush into my feelings for you. There is a lot of passion that burns between us, and rekindling it will only lead to ultimate failure. I know you still don't trust me fully since that night in Curva. I'm hoping that one day you will. Until then, Damiam is in charge. I'll be in touch soon.

Amber

I set the letter on the desk, and push away from the files. I have one of the guards wheel me back onto the porch, and I spent the rest of the day numbing all feelings with whiskey. The last thing I remember before finally passing out is I how much I want to be with Amber.

The Madam Of Suburbia Chapter 25

Chapter 25 - The Walls Crumble Down

As I try to fall back to sleep waiting for Amber to return, I feel something brushing against my nose. I swat it away, and it comes right back. I finally open my eyes, and see Amber sitting there with a feather.

"Get up. There's a lot you and I need to discuss," she says.

"I would, but my fucking leg is in a cast," I retort while avoiding looking at her. That dream has put my brain into a blender as I try to make sense of everything that has happened since Richard's execution. "Plus, you know how I sleep."

"Let me help you get dress," she sighs.

"I can do it myself," I state as I try to get out of bed, but end up fumbling around in the blanket.

"Look. I've already seen what little you got. Also, it's either me or I can call someone else to help," she jokes as she tries to remove my blanket.

"I can do it my fucking self!" I shout as I yank the blanket back. I stop for a minute as I realize there was no need for that outburst, but I know the source. My mind is more fucking twisted right now than a spool of wire caught inside a tornado. I can't get the image of Meredith out of my head. I hang my head and say, "I'm sorry, Amber. I didn't sleep well last night because of a dream."

"Bad dream?" she asks.

"Yeah, but not ready to discuss it," I reply. I'm not sure the mere mention of us being married and having a kid would sit well with her right now. I mean, the last time I saw her, she shot a man without remorse right in the fucking head. Also, there has to be so much shit that happened since then. The proof is the fact I have two broken limbs in casts says it all. I better learn what in the world is going first before dropping that bombshell on her.

"Understandable. Now, let's get you out of this bed and dressed. We got a busy day ahead of us."

Thirty minutes later, I'm dressed sitting in a wheelchair looking out into a grove of moss-covered oaks enjoying a stack of blueberry pancakes. I smile because the last time I was surrounded by a swamp it was a living hell, and this is pure bliss. I wish every day would start this peaceful, but in the back of my mind I know the next storm is approaching. However, right now, I'm going to enjoy this moment.

"If someone really wanted you dead, all they need to do is serve your poisoned pancakes," Amber giggles.

"At least I'll die happy," I reply.

"I feel sorry for the woman that decides to marry you. She'll end up flipping out over making you pancakes every single morning."

I almost choke when I hear the word marry.  I sit there gagging as I try to catch my breath as my breakfast almost went down the wrong pipe.

"You okay?" she asks as she rubs my back.

"Yeah," I lie as I look at my hand and think about the brass wedding ring I was wearing.

"Is it about your dream?"

I sigh before explaining, "The woman who ends up making pancakes every morning in my dream was you."

"At one time, that could have been a reality," she says as she stops rubbing my back.

"We even had a daughter together."

"What was her name?"

"Merideth," I say as I see tears forming in her eyes. I never stopped to think until now how my coldness towards her has affected her. We were madly in love until I learned what she did for a living. The passion between us was hotter than a wildfire, but I felt betrayed. Now, you could freeze a lit match with the blizzard of bitterness blowing in my heart. Deep down in my heart, there's still an ember clinging on with the hope we will reignite the fire, but the coldness of my heart refuses to melt. I've always been the type if you do anything to betray my trust, you're dead to me.

"What did she look like?"

"She had your hair, and green eyes," I reply as I look away from her as I feel tears in the pit of my eyes. Blue made me a monster, but Amber broke down my walls. Now, that dream is showing that they're not made of stone, but of clay.

"Father would never approve of me marrying anyone without a PHD, but in the end, love is not about titles, money, or prestige. It's about the typhoon of passion that two souls generate whenever they're in the same room" she says as she wipes the tears out of her eyes.

"My body bears the scars of my fucked up decisions. I can't bare leaving behind a widow because of the road of darkness I walk down every day," I explain. "It's easier to go into a pit of vipers without worrying about someone that means the world to me. My life can end within a blink of an eye, and that is too much torture for one heart to bare."

"I saw beneath those scars, Ronnie, and I saw the real you. I was willing to walk into that room of vipers with you. However, I betrayed your trust when I chose my job over love. That decision will always be an open wound on your heart."

"I know you had to do what was best, but it doesn't give me the right to be a monster towards you," I sob as tears flow down my cheeks. "You were the first person to show me compassion in Curva, and I shitted all over your heart because you had to do what you had to do to survive."

She leans over and kisses me. I feel my body go limp as that lonely ember in my heart begins to smolder. Everything around us seems to stop as the winds of infatuation begin to blow once more from our souls. I don't know why there's been a change of heart, but right now, all I can focus on is the warmth of her lips against mine. She is the greatest drug on this planet. She brings me the highest highs and the lowest lows, and right now, it's the greatest feeling on the planet. I almost cry as I feel the walls around my heart crumble into dust as the typhoon of lust returns to my cold, dark soul.

She stops and pushes away from me. "I have to go," she says.

Before I can react, she runs off the porch, hops into a car, and drives off. As she drives off, all I can think about is maybe that dream was truly a glimpse of my future. Maybe if I let her love me, I will survive this entire ordeal, and for once, live a normal life. I spend the rest of the day sitting on that porch waiting for her return. Around sunset, I give up waiting, and have one of the guards wheel me back to my room. As I struggle back into my bed, I cry myself to sleep as all I can think about is how my walls were made out of clay, and Amber is trying to shape them into a house built by the burning desire to never hurt her again. Before I pass out, I whisper, "I love you too, Amber."

The Madam Of Suburbia Chapter 24

Chapter 24 - Reality

I wake up to the sound of thunder. I open my eyes, and find myself in the nicest bedroom I ever been unless I sprung for a fancy hotel. I stare at the lace curtains that actually match the beige walls, and wonder how I ended up in such a classy place. Whenever I wake up in an odd place, I always have to pray that my shoes aren't full of cockroaches, and I'm not lying next to some woman who's name I don't know. I actually begin to worry I broke into a mansion, and will get caught trespassing.

I pull myself out of the bed, and smile because even the bed is nice. I slept in a king-sized, memory foam mattress which explains why I had the best sleep without any kind of sleeping aid. I even chuckle because the sheets even match. It's been ages since I've been in a bed this nice unless I ended up hooking up with a rich woman who was tired of her husband ignoring her needs. I begin to panic as I wonder if I need to hurry out of here before something bad happens.

As I step out of the bed, the door flings open, and a small redheaded girl rushes over, and wraps her arms around my legs.

"Daddy!" she shouts with glee. "You're finally awake!"

I look down, completely lost as I stare into her green eyes. The last thing my brain recalls is being knocked out by Riese on some country road. Now, I wake up in a fancy house with a children calling me their father. I wonder how long I've been out. I haven't had sex in so long, that there's no way I would even have a girl pregnant, but there's a child clinging to my leg calling me Dad. The part scaring me is she has Amber's red hair, and the same green eyes as Amber and I have. I have to figure out what is going on, and soon because my mind is racing at the speed of light.

The girl gives me a solution to get some answers as she says, "Mommy is in the kitchen waiting for us. She made your favorite."

"Well, let's not disappointment Mommy," I reply as I try to figure out if Daddy and Mommy are code words so the actual mother doesn't have to explain who I truly am. Normally, I'm some uncle not the father. I hope Mommy can explain things much better because I so lost right now.

I follow down the hall into the kitchen area. I stop when I see who Mommy is as I see sitting at the kitchen table is Amber drinking a cup of coffee. I notice she has a brass wedding ring on her hand. I look at my left hand, and notice I one that matches. I know Riese is strong, but I doubt his one punch knocked me out for that long. There is something going on here, and I hope Amber has more answers, especially how I changed my heart so much that I married her.

"Daddy's up, Mommy," states the girl as she sits in the chair to left of Amber, eyeing the stack of blueberry pancakes in the middle of the table.

"Is he grumpy, Merideth?" Amber asks.

"He's not," she replies. "He's behind you though."

"Oh, is he?" Amber asks as she turns around and says to me, "Morning. Coffee?"

"Can I talk to you alone for a few?" I ask.

"Sure," Amber says before adding, "Merideth, go ahead and eat. Mommy and Daddy will be back shortly."

Amber walks down the hall, and I follow her back into the bedroom. She sits down on the bed and asks, "You seem to be out of it this morning. Everything okay?"

"The last few things I remember right now are you shooting Richard, then being abducted by Blue. What is going on?" I ask as I find myself fiddling with my wedding band.

"You have a bad dream or something?" she asks. "Look at the frame over the bed. It should jog your memory."

I walk over to the frame hung over the bed, and begin reading the article. The title says it: "DEA Brings Down Madam Cartel". As I begin to read it, I can't help notice every time Madam's real name being mentioned, it's blank like it's censored. Even her face is a blank space. I glance back and ask Amber, "What's Madam real name?"

She speaks, but all I hear is "Her name is ."

"What was her name again?" I ask, and nothing. She speaks, but all I hear is silence.

"Amber, this isn't funny. Who was Madam?"

This time, when she opens her mouth, the blaring sound of an alarm clock comes out. I open my eyes, and find myself on a lumpy, twin bed in what looks like a cabin as the walls are made out of logs. I rub my eyes to see if I'm still dreaming, but sadly, I'm not. I'm not sure if that was a glimpse of my future, or a nightmare that I let her back into my life that much. However, she's still a part of it as I see a note from her stating she'll be back in thirty minutes if I need a hand getting ready.

I try to get out of bed, but notice my right arm and left leg are in a cast. I lay back down as I try to make sense of that dream. I still don't have those kinds of feelings for Amber. I still don't trust her fully, but if that was a vision of things to come, I wonder what changes between us. I honestly feel that I won't be alive to read such an article. Either way, I have to wait for her to show up so I can figure out what has happened since Riese knocked me out. With nothing better to do, I drift back into sleep.