The Madam Of Suburbia Chapter 25

Chapter 25 - The Walls Crumble Down

As I try to fall back to sleep waiting for Amber to return, I feel something brushing against my nose. I swat it away, and it comes right back. I finally open my eyes, and see Amber sitting there with a feather.

"Get up. There's a lot you and I need to discuss," she says.

"I would, but my fucking leg is in a cast," I retort while avoiding looking at her. That dream has put my brain into a blender as I try to make sense of everything that has happened since Richard's execution. "Plus, you know how I sleep."

"Let me help you get dress," she sighs.

"I can do it myself," I state as I try to get out of bed, but end up fumbling around in the blanket.

"Look. I've already seen what little you got. Also, it's either me or I can call someone else to help," she jokes as she tries to remove my blanket.

"I can do it my fucking self!" I shout as I yank the blanket back. I stop for a minute as I realize there was no need for that outburst, but I know the source. My mind is more fucking twisted right now than a spool of wire caught inside a tornado. I can't get the image of Meredith out of my head. I hang my head and say, "I'm sorry, Amber. I didn't sleep well last night because of a dream."

"Bad dream?" she asks.

"Yeah, but not ready to discuss it," I reply. I'm not sure the mere mention of us being married and having a kid would sit well with her right now. I mean, the last time I saw her, she shot a man without remorse right in the fucking head. Also, there has to be so much shit that happened since then. The proof is the fact I have two broken limbs in casts says it all. I better learn what in the world is going first before dropping that bombshell on her.

"Understandable. Now, let's get you out of this bed and dressed. We got a busy day ahead of us."

Thirty minutes later, I'm dressed sitting in a wheelchair looking out into a grove of moss-covered oaks enjoying a stack of blueberry pancakes. I smile because the last time I was surrounded by a swamp it was a living hell, and this is pure bliss. I wish every day would start this peaceful, but in the back of my mind I know the next storm is approaching. However, right now, I'm going to enjoy this moment.

"If someone really wanted you dead, all they need to do is serve your poisoned pancakes," Amber giggles.

"At least I'll die happy," I reply.

"I feel sorry for the woman that decides to marry you. She'll end up flipping out over making you pancakes every single morning."

I almost choke when I hear the word marry.  I sit there gagging as I try to catch my breath as my breakfast almost went down the wrong pipe.

"You okay?" she asks as she rubs my back.

"Yeah," I lie as I look at my hand and think about the brass wedding ring I was wearing.

"Is it about your dream?"

I sigh before explaining, "The woman who ends up making pancakes every morning in my dream was you."

"At one time, that could have been a reality," she says as she stops rubbing my back.

"We even had a daughter together."

"What was her name?"

"Merideth," I say as I see tears forming in her eyes. I never stopped to think until now how my coldness towards her has affected her. We were madly in love until I learned what she did for a living. The passion between us was hotter than a wildfire, but I felt betrayed. Now, you could freeze a lit match with the blizzard of bitterness blowing in my heart. Deep down in my heart, there's still an ember clinging on with the hope we will reignite the fire, but the coldness of my heart refuses to melt. I've always been the type if you do anything to betray my trust, you're dead to me.

"What did she look like?"

"She had your hair, and green eyes," I reply as I look away from her as I feel tears in the pit of my eyes. Blue made me a monster, but Amber broke down my walls. Now, that dream is showing that they're not made of stone, but of clay.

"Father would never approve of me marrying anyone without a PHD, but in the end, love is not about titles, money, or prestige. It's about the typhoon of passion that two souls generate whenever they're in the same room" she says as she wipes the tears out of her eyes.

"My body bears the scars of my fucked up decisions. I can't bare leaving behind a widow because of the road of darkness I walk down every day," I explain. "It's easier to go into a pit of vipers without worrying about someone that means the world to me. My life can end within a blink of an eye, and that is too much torture for one heart to bare."

"I saw beneath those scars, Ronnie, and I saw the real you. I was willing to walk into that room of vipers with you. However, I betrayed your trust when I chose my job over love. That decision will always be an open wound on your heart."

"I know you had to do what was best, but it doesn't give me the right to be a monster towards you," I sob as tears flow down my cheeks. "You were the first person to show me compassion in Curva, and I shitted all over your heart because you had to do what you had to do to survive."

She leans over and kisses me. I feel my body go limp as that lonely ember in my heart begins to smolder. Everything around us seems to stop as the winds of infatuation begin to blow once more from our souls. I don't know why there's been a change of heart, but right now, all I can focus on is the warmth of her lips against mine. She is the greatest drug on this planet. She brings me the highest highs and the lowest lows, and right now, it's the greatest feeling on the planet. I almost cry as I feel the walls around my heart crumble into dust as the typhoon of lust returns to my cold, dark soul.

She stops and pushes away from me. "I have to go," she says.

Before I can react, she runs off the porch, hops into a car, and drives off. As she drives off, all I can think about is maybe that dream was truly a glimpse of my future. Maybe if I let her love me, I will survive this entire ordeal, and for once, live a normal life. I spend the rest of the day sitting on that porch waiting for her return. Around sunset, I give up waiting, and have one of the guards wheel me back to my room. As I struggle back into my bed, I cry myself to sleep as all I can think about is how my walls were made out of clay, and Amber is trying to shape them into a house built by the burning desire to never hurt her again. Before I pass out, I whisper, "I love you too, Amber."