The Madam Of Suburbia Chapter 28

Chapter 28 - Exposure and Betrayal

We sit inside the screen-in gazebo down by the water's edge listening in awkward silence to the chorus of the swamp. I puff on a cigarette as she looks out into the swamp. We both have a lot that we want to get off our chests, but we're afraid to make the first move. The last time we were alone, it ended up with a kiss that was hotter than the surface of the sun after saying what was inside our hearts. Now, it feels like one word will be a dagger to the heart. We're scared to open the wounds that love has burned into our souls, but we both damn well know that silence will only create new wounds, and time may not heal these wounds that we might create tonight.

I finally swallow my pride and remark, "Such a lovely view.":

She looks at me and replies, "It is especially when I look this way."

I blush a little and say, "My view can't get any better."

She looks away from me, and we once again sit in uneasy silence looking out at the swamp. I almost feel that every word we say right now will be like a dagger to the heart. There's been so much going that I've been left in the dark, and she won't say anything because I sense she feels ignorance beats ripping out my heart again. However, what she doesn't know is she ripped out my heart when she drove out without saying a word that day. One way or another, the dam holding back the flood of emotions will break, and I feel tonight is the best night to get it over with. Also, I'm tired of being a fucking mushroom.

"So, I have to ask this," I say before lighting up another smoke.

"What's that?"

"Why the fuck did you drive away right after that kiss?"

"I felt that you couldn't handle the truth, and I'm not sure you still can," she replies without looking at me.

"The last time I saw you before that morning, you shot a man in cold blood. Then, you get my blood boiling, and you fucking bolt. Let's lay it all out before I lose my mind trying to make sense of it all."

"Sure you want to do this right now?" she asks while still looking outwards.

"Yes. I’ve been left in a fucking state of confusion that has broken me mentally and physically. I want some goddamn answers!" I snap back. I'm beyond tired of being left in the dark, and not giving a straight answer about everything that has unfolded since the warehouse. I still don't know if I was actually abducted by Blue and Riese, or was it a figment of my imagination. Also, her parting kiss has left me hotter than a volcano then made me colder than the fucking Arctic with each passing hour. I'm tired of the secrecy, and want to make sense of it all regardless of the cos even if it leads to my heart being broken.

"Well, let me start with the most obvious thing you're wondering about," she sighs. "You're in those casts because the SUV that was taken you here blew an engine, and was hit by a semi. Thankfully, there was no fatalities, but all three of you were badly injured. I know you rambled about hearing Blue, but that was the hallucinations you were suffering due to the concussion you got from the accident. You called me Madam when I first saw you after the collision."

"What else has happened since you blew out Richard's brains?"

"Well, for one, we plugged a massive leak with that single bullet. Richard was a mole for Madam, as well as a few other gangs," she explains as I see tears forming in her eyes. "I was able to patch things over with the Russians as well as The Alma Tomadores. There is an uneasy truce between them as I was able to unite them to take down Madam's cartel. Also, you no longer are involved with Demetri. He thinks you're bad Karma so he said you're my mess to handle."

I look at my casts and chuckle, "It seems I'm Karma's punching bag."

"That right there is why I left" she says while the tears begin to stream down her cheeks. "The dream about Meredith made me realize that there will be one day I will watch you die right in front of my eyes, and the pain was too much to bare."

"I always thought we would never work because I'll never be good enough for your fucking Senator father," I retort. "His princess dating a drug dealer. That would go over real fucking well."

"I don't give two shits what my father thinks anymore," she snaps back. "I've lived in his shadow my entire childhood, and since I left for college, everything fucking thing I've earned was due to my hard work. So, don’t you fucking date use him as a reason why we'll never work!"

"You know that the day I do meet him, he will disown you and have me thrown in jail."

"Don't use my father as a fucking excuse for being an asshole towards me, Ronnie! Don't you fucking dare!"

"He will never accept me, and that alone is why we'll never work."

"We don't work because the bonds of trust were broken. Until we can fucking trust each other, the fires that burned deeply in our hearts are nothing more than a dying ember clinging on to the hope that one day, the passion will explode between us once more."

"Well, my ember was snuffed out when I was left in the fucking cold for this past week. Instead of facing our fears, you ran. Now, you want me to trust you once more when you can't even face me, and tell me what's on your damn mind. Fuck this bullshit!"

"So, those nights of passion were nothing but bullshit? Is that how you truly feel, Ronnie?"

"I don't know anymore. I've been through so much shit with you, and the one time there was a glimmer of what we once had, you ran. It makes me wonder if we survive through the war ahead of us, will you run then as well?" I ask. Tonight, the dam holding back all our emotions has been breached, and we're pouring out our souls in a flash flood. Deep inside, I still love her, but I'm afraid if I open my heart to her once more, I feel she will stab me once more instead of treasuring my heart the way I would cherish hers. I haven't loved anyone the way I love Amber, but my heart hasn't healed from the last time. I'm afraid if we don't work out, I will become an empty shell with no reason to live.

"You were a monster when I met you, and you're still are, Ronnie," she replies. "Maybe you need to accept that not everyone is out there to fuck you over."

"I want to go back to my room now," I state.

"So you can crawl into a bottle of whiskey, and hide from reality? It makes me feel like shit watching you drink your life away instead of finding happiness that doesn't come from a bottle or a fucking pill."

"If that bothers you, then throw my ass in jail, Director Townston. If not, at least take me back to my room."

"Fine, asshole. Let's go so you can once again numb yourself to sleep."

"No, I want to go to my room before I do something I might fucking regret," I reply as I finally wipe away the tears from my eyes.

"What will you fucking regret?"

I take her hand, and gently pull her into my lap. Reluctant at first, I wipe her tears away, and start kissing her cheeks. She pulls back at first, but she places her hands on my back as we begin to reignite the fiery passion inside our souls inside that gazebo. She is the one person that I can't live without, but I'm too stubborn at times to admit it. Blue tried to make me a monster, but Amber was the first person to make me feel human after my time in the swamp. She's the one thing in life I can't live without, and I almost pushed her away for good tonight. The problem is not our career choices, but the fact the passion between us burns so fucking brightly, I'm afraid that it will burn out before we have a chance to enjoy each other's company. It's always been a whirlwind, and I want to ride out the storm until the very end.

She pulls back after a few minutes and asks, "Was this thing you would regret?'

"Yes. I know I've said many nasty things tonight, and I'm sorry. However, there are three words I can't bear to say that truly express how I feel. You are the reason I want to keep on living, but I'm afraid to show my true feelings."

"Some days, I'm unsure to slap you or kiss you. The simple touch of you against my skin is pure bliss, Ronnie. You're the best and worst thing that has ever happened to me."

"It still amazes me how we can go from fighting to this within seconds. Maybe I should accept the fact I was an asshole when I learned about your career, and see past that," I state before kissing her neck.

"We expose our souls when we're together, and we need to figure out how to embrace the rawness of what we can have instead of shoving daggers into our open wounds."

"I'm sorry for the hell I've put you through, Amber."

"I know, Ronnie. I’m sorry for leaving you instead of telling you what was on my mind."

"Shall we head back to the house?" I ask as I notice the sun is beginning to set, casting the cypress trees in a reddish hue.

"Yes. Let's go."

As we're heading up to the trail, I see a guard approaching us with his hand behind his back. As we're within five feet of him, I watch as he whips a pistol from behind his back. I watch in horror as Amber tries to shield me as the guard fires three rounds. I feel something warm on my chest as I watch Amber's shirt soak up the blood from two wounds in her chest, and one in her stomach. I try to hold her, but she falls off my lap and lands on the deck as the blood keeps flowing from her wounds. The last thing I remember was shouting "I love you, Amber" as three more shots rang out.