“Save My Humanity”

I don't know what to do.

I really need to take a poo.

An accident with super glue.

Left my butt fused to my shoe.

I try to wiggle my body free,

But my nuts got stung by a bee.

I scream out in pain as they burn.

I break free, but my skin is torn.

I try to bandage up the huge gash,

But my clothes are turning into ash.

I look for something to cover up.

A monkey hits me with a used cup.

I rush out of the room bleeding.

Only to run into a huge meeting.

I stand there completely naked

As my boss sits and eats bacon.

The old lady gives me a few winks

As my ass begins to really stink.

I try to leave, but I let out a fart,

End up defecating on some art.

As this point, I must be in Hell.

I watch a demon eat Taco Bell.

He smiles as I turn into a cake.

And slowly begin to be baked.

An hour later, I wake up dazed.

On a huge pile of donuts: glazed.

I look around despite being drunk.

And find no bee sting on my junk.

I pull myself out of the trash pile

And begin to throw up stale bile.

A few minutes later, I finally stop.

And walk into a large, angry cop.

He tries to throw me into his cruiser,

Claiming I am nothing but a boozer.

However, flying out of the fall air.

Comes a very drunk Kodiak bear.

He knocks the cop out with his paw.

And eats a ton of stale bear claws.

I try to run away, but the bear growls,

Hits me in the nuts, causing me to howl.

I fall to the ground, wishing I was dead

As the bear squats and shits on my head.

I close my eyes, wishing this day to stop

Only be robbed of my wallet by the cop.

I try to move; the bear sits on my back,

Pulls out a pipe; begins smoking crack.

I find a sewing needle in an orange rind.

I quickly shove it into the bear's behind.

He jumps off of me, and lands on a gnome.

I get up and quickly run all the way home.

To find my living room full of sock elves.

They’ve drunk every bottle off my shelves.

I begin to cuss at them trying to kick them,

They summon the dragon called "Big Ben".

I shit my pants as I begin to plea as I kneel.

I don't want to become this creature's meal.

The dragon laughs and vanishes into smoke.

The elves try to attack, but begin to choke.

I really want to end this fucking insanity.

To go back to reality and save my humanity.

The bear finds my house; breaks down the door.

The last thing I’ll ever see is a padded floor.

I quickly make my way to the insane house.

I check myself in as they dress me in a blouse.

I smile as I enter my room and take my pills.

Needless to say, I’m forever mentally ill.