"Monday"

Monday, fucking Monday.
You're the most hated day.
Sucking the weekend highs
As we all kiss fun goodbye.
Everything has gone wrong.
Got home; packed my bong.
I begin to smoke myself stupid.
To the point I pass it to Cupid.
He kills off the last of my stash,
And robs me with a gun for cash.
I lay there on the couch stoned.
As naked midgets invade my home.
They drink all of my damn beer,
Slapping each other on the rear.
I find my pill bottle under a banana.
My Xanax was replaced by Viagra.
Now I'm stoned and hard as a rock.
As I see my girl walking up the block.
I pushed the midgets out the back door.
Only to find shit all over the tile floor.
I try to run to the closet for the mop,
Only to slip and do a nasty belly flop.
She walks in, and starts giving me lip
As I stand there covered in human shit.
She kicks me in the balls and leaves
As I feel blood running down my sleeve.
I turned around, and right over my head
Is a midget in a gimp costume that's dead.
I run out of the house, screaming like a girl.
I run to the point I have to stop so I can hurl.
I end up puking all over a parked police car.
As a transvestite watches outside the gay bar.
I try to clean up the mess by using my pants,
Only to drop a baggie of my special plants.
The cops came out of the donut shop upset.
I try to explain, but end up shitting myself.
Needless to say, they quickly hose me off.
And I take a lovely ride with the angry cop.
So, I sit in a cell with the lovely transvestite,
Praying I never wake up after this wild night.
Fucking Monday, pain in the ass Monday!
I will forever curse you, you bitch of a day!
Totally killed all plans for this weekend high.
As I kiss my freedom for 5 years goodbye!